Going to meetings

This is a really important question. Meetings are generally arranged when something important needs deciding or reviewing. You may have a meeting about school or college, about life at home or about your future. 

If you know what the meeting is about you can prepare what you want to say and what you want to get out of it. Here are a few things to think about: 

• If you don’t know why there’s going to be a meeting or what it’s about then ask someone. You can ask your parent/carer, someone at school or a social worker if you have one.
• Who will be at the meeting? This may be something you want to know. If you’ve had a letter about a meeting this might be something the letter mentions. If you can’t find the information, you can ask the person who is arranging the meeting.
• Make a note of the date, time and where the meeting is taking place.
• See if you can find out how long the meeting will last. This may help you feel less nervous on the day. 
• If there’s someone you feel you’d like to attend the meeting, ask the person arranging the meeting if that person can attend. This may be a teacher or TA that knows you well or another trusted adult. It may not always be possible but it’s certainly worth asking.
• If you think it would help to have someone independent to support you at a meeting this is something we may be able to help you with. You can contact us here

Meetings are usually places where things are decided and if those decisions are about you, it’s important you get your voice heard.

It’s only natural to feel nervous if you have to talk to people you don’t know well but it can help if you have some ideas about what you want to say. This is where good preparation can help.

Here are some things you can do to help you prepare for a meeting:

• Find out what the meeting is about.
• Write out or use a diagram to help you remember what you want to say.
• Write a list of questions if there are things you need answers to.
• Write a list of things you think are going well for you and you would like to stay the same.
• Write a list of things you’d like to change.
• Make a list of any ideas you have that you’d like the people at the meeting to know.

If you’d like help to prepare for a meeting, we may be able to help you. We can talk to you on the phone, email you, meet you virtually on Zoom or maybe face to face. You can contact us here.

Remember most people feel a bit nervous going to meetings. It’s not only you!

• Try and make yourself feel comfortable. You may want to go to the toilet before the meeting. Have a drink with you. If you use something to help you focus, like a fiddle toy, take this too.
• Think where you’d like to sit. It may be possible to sit near a door if you think this will help you feel more comfortable.
• You may want to sit near your parent/carer or other trusted adult, tell them so they can do this at the start of the meeting.
• If you feel you can only stay for a short time in the meeting let the person running the meeting know this at the start.
• Have any notes or things you’ve prepared for the meeting with you.
• Take a pen and paper or other aid you can use to make notes if you want to.

There’ll be a person whose job it is to help everyone at the meeting have a chance to contribute. This job is sometimes called the Chair, there may also be someone who takes notes. This is so there’s a record of what’s been said, what’s been agreed and who has to do things after the meeting.

Usually at the start of a meeting people will introduce themselves, they’ll give their name and what their role is. For example, the SENCO, Educational Psychologist, Teacher. You may already know some of the people, but there may be other people you’ve not met before. That’s why it’s important they say who they are. You may be asked to introduce yourself too.

At some point in the meeting, you’ll be able to say what you want. This is where your notes or other preparation can help you. If you want to just read out what you want to say that’s fine. If you have things to say that need others to answer you, then it’s important to listen to what they have to say.

If you don’t understand something, it’s perfectly OK to say you don’t understand and ask for it to be explained in a way you can understand.

If someone asks you a question and you don’t know the answer or need time to think then tell them. It’s important you have thinking time. You may be able to answer later in the meeting or you may need to tell them after the meeting.

If at anytime you feel you need to leave the room for a short break you can ask.

Towards the end of the meeting someone will usually sum up what’s been agreed in the meeting. This is so the people at the meeting know what needs to happen next or what they must do to make sure the right things happen.

If there’s anything you don’t understand or are unsure about try to ask before you leave the meeting.

Sometimes a date and time is set for another meeting if this has been agreed.

You may get a copy of notes made in the meeting. This is so you have a record of what’s been agreed. If you don’t get a copy, then your parent/carer should be sent a copy.

If there’s something in the notes you’re not sure about, ask someone to go through it with you. This might be your parent/carer or another trusted adult.

If there’s a date set for another meeting you might want to make a note of this so you can give yourself time to prepare.

Attending a meeting that’s about you may make you feel worried or anxious. The best thing to do if this is how you feel is to talk to someone you trust, this may be a parent/carer or another trusted adult like a teacher or a TA. 

If after talking to someone you trust about your worries, you still prefer not to attend here are some things you could do:

• See if you can attend for a very short time to just say what you want the other people to know, you can then leave while the meeting continues. 
• Tell someone else that is attending the meeting what you’d like the people in the meeting to know. They would be talking on your behalf. 
• See if you can attend the meeting virtually, that is using something like Zoom or Teams. You can listen and talk in the meeting but not be in the room. 
• You could ask to attend virtually but not be on-screen, that way you can see and hear others but they won’t see you. 
• You could send a written note to the meeting where you write out what you want others in the meeting to know. Someone else would then read it out. 
• You could ask someone to go to the meeting with you, you sit with them and tell them what you want them to say. 

We are sometimes able to attend meetings with young people to help them feel more confident. If you’d like to talk to us about how we might be able to help you please contact us here.

Sometimes what we want to say can feel difficult. This might be because we don’t think others will agree with us or because we can’t find the right words to explain what we feel or want. 

This can be really hard in a meeting. Here are a few tips that might help if you find you’re in this situation. 

• Write a list of the things you want to cover – this can help you if you feel nervous. It will also help to make sure you say everything that’s important.
• Plan what questions you want to ask.
• Listen carefully to each person and try not to interrupt, we often need to hear the whole suggestion before knowing if we agree or not. 
• Think of a way to show you want to say something. Sometimes it can be hard to find the right time if others are talking a lot. You could raise your hand. Some people like to have an object that’s passed to the person talking. 
• If you don’t think people are listening to you or understand what you’re trying to tell them try to stay calm. Then tell them in a calm way. This might not be easy!
• If you start to feel uncomfortable or upset ask to leave the room for a time. Then come back in when you feel able to. 
• If you go back into the meeting ask the person running the meeting to go over anything you missed. 
• Talk to someone you trust after a difficult conversation or meeting. It can help to share how you feel. You can always contact us and we’ll do our best to listen and support you. 

It can be helpful to talk to someone once you know you have a meeting to attend. This can help you organise your thoughts and prepare any questions you have. If you need information, advice or support to prepare for or attend a meeting you can contact us here. 

Some suggestions to help you prepare for your meeting:

• Make a note of the date, time and place of the meeting. 
• If it’s an online meeting accept the invite and it should be added to your online calendar. 
• If the meeting is in person make a note of where it’s going to be and check you know how to get there. You can use Google Maps to help you plan the journey and how long it’ll take you to get to the place.
• Read any information you have been sent by email or letter. Check carefully if you need to do anything before the meeting takes place. 
• If you don’t understand any of the information you can ask a trusted adult or please contact us and we can put you in touch with a Young People’s Worker who can offer advice and support. 
• Read through the sections on this page:
  1. Prepare well! 
  2. Before the meeting 
  3. In the meeting 
  4. After the meeting 
• After the meeting check for information that might be sent to you by email or letter. You should get a copy of the minutes and if a follow-on meeting has been arranged you will be sent the date, time and place. 
• Check out the Useful Links section on this page for more organisations that may be able to offer more specific help and guidance. 

• Information from Coram Voice about Advocates and how to find one.
• Information from the Devon Children in Care Council 
• Services for Children Leaving Care: Information from Child Law Advice.